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TRINITY FACTOR

Abundant living through the healing of the mind, body and soul.

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ONE YEAR LATER

Posted on September 29, 2013 at 8:33 PM Comments comments (16)
So, here we are one year almost to the month when I was accepted for the Covenant Health Marathon Biggest Winner 2013 team.  I am still overwhelmed and privileged to have been part of such a great group of folks, coaches and manager.

As I write this post, I ponder where I was last year, where I am this year AND where I was four years ago in October 2009 weighing over 400 pounds.  The best way to put this past year into perspective especially the past few months is to make a list of the high lights.

I want this to be taken as braggadocios or self emulating. I don't want this to be taken as of self aggrandizement.  I want this to be a testament to the fact that poor health can be reversed.  A broken life can be renewed and restored.  The rewards are numerous and aren't necessarily all tangible. 

So here goes----

  • continued to hone my personal workouts and nutrition with the goal to run some of the following marathons.

  • registered for the Covenant Health  Knoxville Marathon 2014 on opening registration day this summer.  I have 4 other folks who registered along with me.  We are all doing the 5K.

  • joined the Knoxville Track Club the first of September!

  • took my first spin class with the spectacular Joe Mitchell as my fearless leader on September 16!  YAY

  • registered for the Buddy's Race for the Cure which will be held November 10.  Missy Kane's team.

  • jogged my first full mile with out walking/jogging (WOG) on September 28.

  • lost another half shoe size.  I was a woman's 12 WW in October of 2009 and I am now down to a woman's 10 1/2 regular.  My running shoes of last year were size 11 W.  YES, feet can and do shrink! I am currently needing to double socks my old shoes and hiking boots as they are becoming almost too loose.

The best news of all is that when I am out on the track or at the gym I do not think of myself as being 56 earthly years of age.  I think of myself as timeless/ageless.  My health continues to improve as does my energy level.  I look forward to each new day with renewed hope and vigor.  I can't imagine what my life would be like today if I had not been chosen for the CHMBW2013 team.

Namaste and abundant, abundant blessings,

Heidi 

SWR


GET YOUR MOJO MOVIN’

Posted on August 21, 2013 at 2:31 PM Comments comments (12)

     It has been a year since the advertisement to apply for Biggest Winner 2013 came to my attention. Long story short, I dared to apply. They dared to accept my application. Oy gevalt!  What were any of us thinking?  I have struggled with a lot of regrets since the 2013 CHKM that I did not work the Biggest Winner Challenge like I had wanted, intended, or expected too.  One of the goals stated in my Biggest Winner 2013 Challenge application was that I wanted to run.  I had learned to walk again and now I wanted to run.  It didn’t work out that way.  I was bitterly disappointed.  I felt I had blown my chance of a life time.

     After the team disbanded, I continued on with my quest for spiritual, physical and emotional wellness.
I have gone back to walking the track where my quest started back in October of 2009.  That track became my safe haven. It gave me the motivation to get out of bed to watch the sun rise over the mountains.
I enjoyed the anticipation of the inky midnight blue sky of dawn come alive with ribbons of salmon pink before the sun made its appearance.  I took solace and comfort on the days when drizzle or snow would become my mantel surrounding me with the knowledge that life indeed goes on no matter what the weather brings.  I logged hundreds of miles on that track as well as pounding out a lot of hurt and tears through the soles of my shoes. Little did I know the metaphorical life lessons I would learn from those early years of walking away from the darkness of depression fear and panic attacks into the light of health wellness and wholeness.

     For the past few weeks I have been faithfully and religiously walking the track again. The mile track has benches every 1/8 of a mile. This past week I began to WOG walk/jog alternating an 1/8 walk then an 1/8 mile jog (albeit slow jog).  During those walks I have been trying to reconcile some of those regrets of a year ago.  There were many valuable life lessons learned that I am still applying.  I remembered those lessons I had heard our coach Missy Kane teach our team.  I remembered our manger Tonya Stott-brown and her smiling face and that “go-get ‘em” encouragement she had for us each every time she saw us.
I remembered the life coaching lessons facilitated by life coach Chris O’Hearn where he encouraged us to envision in our minds the individual desires or dreams we wanted for ourselves.  For me at that point in time it was running; knees to the breeze, elbows pumping, the rhythmic whoosh of my breath.
Imaging what it would feel like for ME to run.

     I remembered Joe “Suck it up” Mitchell who patiently walked with me on that first early morning training with the Knoxville Track Club and then later gave of his Saturday mornings at the Fort Sanders Health and Fitness Center when a calf and ham string injury rendered me to the recumbent bike.
I will always remember Joe’s unending patients with helping me overcome my fear of treadmills.
I will always appreciate the fact that he never verbally said “Suck it up, cupcake” (don’t even know if he was thinking that) as he helped me to understand and overcome my fear of treadmills.

     I will always remember my team mates who individually inspired me to greatness in their unique way.
How I miss them.  I remember thinking many times that my acceptance to the team was a mistake and the powers that be didn’t have the heart to tell me otherwise.  I was way out of my league with those folks!
    
     Fast forward to today when I accomplished the beginning of my hearts’ desire to run.  TODAY
my two mile loop consisted of a 1/8 mile jog segment, two quarter mile jog segments finishing with another 1/8 mile jog segment.  When I found myself actually running the first quarter mile segment the lyrics of the tune by Steppenwolf’s “Born to be Wild” popped into my head (no telling what else is in the dark recesses of my mind) and I finished my laps on that rhythm.  Feeling my body run, breathing even and body strong I had the knowledge that what I did last year was phenomenal.  How I processed and executed the opportunity was all a part of a bigger experience. Eighteen years stubbed up in depression, fear and home bound. I was only three years out of the house in my wellness journey, clear of mind. One year in volunteer work as a companion with home hospice.  This old girl, still morbidly obese even after dropping over 100 pounds DARED to apply for something that would thrust her into the public eye, photo sessions, TV news programs, interviews and a marathon of all things. The powers that be DARED to give me a CHANCE OF A LIFE TIME. 

NO REGRETS!

lyrics:
Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
In whatever comes our way

Yeah, darlin'
Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space

Like a true nature's child
We were born
Born to be wild
We can climb so high
I never wanna die
Born to be wild
Born to be wild

“Born to be Wild”from Steppenwolf: All Time Greatest Hits

Moving Forward and Abundant, abundant blessings,

Heidi Parunak

©Heidi Parunak/Trinityfactor.info.All rights reserved. This material may not be published, rewritten, broadcast, recorded or redistributed without express permission.

BIKES, BUCKET BOXES and HOPE

Posted on March 5, 2013 at 12:54 PM Comments comments (12)
In one scene of the cult classic Harold and Maude, older seasoned Maude played by Ruth Gordon advises the young Harold that (my paraphrase) "you gotta go with gusto in this life".  In my minds eye I can still see the wizen character with a twinkle in her eye and fist clenched in determination trying to encourage this young man to take this old world by the tail and give it all you've got.
 
This brings me to my bucket box.  A few years ago the movie The Bucket List became popular.  When I started my journey I decided to make one.  I start including everything and anything that I might want to do or experience even if it was just for a taste.  I decided at the time that for every accomplished entry I crossed off, I would add another.  This list is endless.
 
To date, I have experienced a few things even if it has just been a taste.  Among others, two that I have scratched off my list are "take a swing dance class" and another that I have chosen to pursue is  "learn to play the guitar."  Over the years, I have collected a file of information of things on my list that I keep handy when an opportunity arises for an adventure.  It now has become necessary for me to create a Bucket Box for my Bucket List information.  Right now it is a New Balance shoe box.  How apropos!
 
My latest Bucket List information acquisition is a brochure on learning to ride a motorcycle which I obtained at the Woman's Expo last Saturday.  I have always wanted to drive a motorcycle.  I have never wanted to own one or use one as a mode of transportation.  I have never desired to travel across country on one.  My desire since I was a young woman has been to drive a bike head long into the wind, knees to the breeze, full throttle down a stretch of highway even if it is just for five minutes.
 
Now, before some of you get too much of a visual of this old girl as a biker babe with a black leather bustier, fish net stockings and chaps, I will tell you that all I want for this brief excursion besides full denim cover and boots is a matte black  skull helmet with the biggest, blackest, leather laced, braid attached to the back (gotta' have something blowin' in the wind).  Seriously!
 
So, imagine my delight when after an incredible time on stage with the Biggest Winner 2013 team being ambassadors for health and fitness at the expo, I found the Harley-Davidson booth (did I mention the bike MUST be a Harley)?   When I saw the woman standing there pamphlets in hand I was eager to speak with her.  Before I could say anything she congratulated me on my success thus far and commended me to continue on my journey.  I thanked her and briefly mentioned my interest in riding and that now I probably am getting enough balance and strength to actually fulfill this dream.  I filled out a ticket for a drawing for a free lesson, chatted for a few more seconds and off I went, treasure in hand!
 
Life for all of us holds infinite opportunities and endless possibilities.  There is always an adventure to be had.  Sometimes adventures come our way and sometimes we have to go after them.  Either way, I want to be ready!
 
Namaste and abundant, abundant blessings,
 
Heidi
©2013 Heidi Parunak/TrinityFactor.info.  All  rights reserved.  This material may not be published, rewritten, broadcast, recorded or redistributed without express permission.

On Cow Patties and Cosmic Sucker Punches

Posted on February 4, 2013 at 4:17 AM Comments comments (15)
This past week of rains flooded a lot of farm land here in Sevier County.  I don't remember having  seen such flooding in this area.  The river at the greenway was swollen and angry.  Waves crashed against the pilings of the bridge and the banks of the river had seemingly disappeared.  The day was gray and bitter cold.  An awesome sight to behold.
 
I was reminded of the winters of my youth.  We children always looked forward to skating on the farmlands that would flood and freeze during winter rains.   With great anticipation we would take our skates which buckled across our boots with leather straps and away we would glide.  Our giggles and laughter filled the winter air.  We knew that at the end of the day there would most likely be hot chocolate waiting.
 
Shouts of "Watch me!"  and "Wheeeee" rang out as we all tried to "one up" each other on how far we could  glide and how high our jumps could be on those frozen fields.  Inevitably in our excitement we wouldn't see those few frozen cow patties until it was too late.  Down with a thud we would fall.  There is nothing more disappointing and irritating than to have a perfect glide be stopped by a trip over a frozen cow patty.  ESPECIALLY when you KNOW you are skating on Jersey cow territory.
 
We learned very quickly what would become a valuable life lesson.  When one falls on a cow patty frozen or not, it is imperative to get back on your feet quickly and skate on as not to wallow in the stench and stain.  It is good to remember this lesson and look ahead for potential patties.  Frozen or fresh cow patties STINK.  The stink can linger on your clothes and hair until you can wash off.  SO-it is quite beneficial to look ahead and be AWARE of your surroundings as much as humanly possible.
 
Life is full of cow patties AND cosmic sucker punches.  Those sucker punches which take you to your knees and take your very  breath away.  Sucker punches that can stub you up and bring on rage and anger.  This earthly life is so brief.  I don't want to stay in the anger or stench of the those inevitable life issues whatever they may be.  I am learning to push through those overwhelming times so I can hear laughter and see the beauty around me once again.  When I chose to push through and live at peace with others and myself it takes me to levels of awareness and clarity I would not have known.
 
I encourage you today to live in the abundance of NOW.  In the midst of whatever is ugly there is beauty.  Where there is anger there is peace.  Quickly chose to find the positive reflections NOW.  Change focus.  Look to the sky and enjoy what it holds.  Enjoy the elements.  Hug those you love great and small.  Hug those who seem unlovable.  They too come from hands of the One that created you.  This life is ours for the taking.  Be at peace.  Stay at peace.
 
NAMASTE and ABUNDANT, ABUNDANT BLESSINGS,
 
Heidi
 
 ©2013 Heidi Parunak/TrinityFactor.info.  All  rights reserved.  This material may not be published, rewritten, broadcast, recorded or redistributed without express permission.

 
 
 
 
 

CHANGES

Posted on January 17, 2013 at 8:21 AM Comments comments (14)
Change is not easy.  Nor does change have to be a burden.  It can be as difficult or as easy as I perceive it.  I was taking a CrossFit class yesterday and the instructor whom I had known for a few years noticed how much I had changed.  She remembered me three years ago when I was 400 pounds plus and she has watched my journey.
 
She asked if it had been hard.  I only smiled as I know that the hardest thing when I decided to change was changing my mindset.  I had to care about myself enough to want to change.  I had to have compassion for myself.  How can I have compassion for others if I have no compassion for myself?
 
The concept of a changed mindset, the initiative to move and the small dietary changes can be problematic at best.  As an Ambassador of Health and Wellness, I hear concerns about mental health issues, how to change yourself especially with a family.  How to change a family's diet without a full blown mutiny.  How to make changes within yourself without a full blown mutiny!
 
What I am also hearing is that some folks see guys like Byran and BJ and seem to think they have to be like them now or they have to become an athlete.  These two great guys are each on different journey's for their own reasons.  We all have different goals in mind.  We all are at different fitness levels with different goals and abilities.  Together our team is a great diversified mix and can be a powerful force for CHANGE to health and wellness.
 
My goal three years ago was to walk again and become as healthy and well as I could.  I didn't know what the end result would be-still don't.   I just knew that I had to make a CHANGE.  I had to MOVE.  I never had in mind to be on the Biggest Winner Team 2013.  I never even thought I could be as active as I am now.  I wasn't even  looking to future endeavors.  I was taking each day as it came, live in the NOW and set a tiny movement and dietary goal for each day.  I just knew I didn't want to stay where I was.
 
I knew not to expect perfection.  I knew there would be struggles.  I knew there would be times when I would seemingly blow it.  I also knew I never had to start over if I did mess up.  I began to look at this journey into wellness as I would a hike or a walk.  If I am hiking and trip on a rock and fall down, I would not go back to the trail head and start my hike over again.  I would pause and check out how I was feeling.  If I didn't see what had tripped me up, I would be mindful to be more AWARE of what is ahead of me.  I would get back up and  proceed FORWARD from that point.   I would also try to be mindful to RELAX and enjoy the beauty around me in the process. Notice I said PROCESS. 
 
My message has been to start the process of  CHANGEby taking small steps.  MOVE according to your personality and life situation.   Consult a physician to determine your health and monitor your PROGRESS.  Find an expert to help with food choice suggestions and movement suggestions.  Seek an expert to talk with about feelings that will come up in this process.  Be pro-active in your own wellness journey.  For me it started simply my moving my feet and hands in bed when I awake.  Small, small dietary changes that have led to bigger ones that I can live with.  It is a daily commitment to have compassion for myself.
 
Back to the CrossFit instructor's comment.  When I was weighed and measured two months ago, I remember the feeling that I had when I was measured.  When I started my journey three years ago  I had no measurements to go by.  The tape measure which is 60" would not fit around my hips, waist or bust.  I lacked a good foot or more around my hips before the ends of the tape measure would meet.  The tape measure would not come together around my bust or my waist.  Two months ago, the ends of the tape measure came together.  I am looking forward to the day when the ends will overlap!
 
Has it been hard?  When I compare who I was then to who I am now the concept of it being "hard" now pales to what I experience on a day to day basis.  In my struggles I know I am no longer bound.  I am FREE.  Freedom has a new meaning for me.  For me it is being content where I am at any given moment.  Freedom is the knowledge that I have choices.  I can CHANGE what is not healthy whatever that may be for me within myself.  When I CHANGE within myself, my life situation will CHANGE also.  I can relax and be KIND to myself.  I no longer have to be STUCK.  I am no longer FEARCHANGE.
 
I am aware of the fact that folks will make excuses not to change. I know I did for many, many years.  I am aware I still struggle with this.  The feeling of well being and clarity of mind that comes from movement and dietary change has always been the catalyst to keep me moving. 
 
My encouragement is to start the process of CHANGE.  I have learned that the grip of fear and panic I used to live in only has the power that I give it.  Just for NOW, make small steps and changes to take fear and panic by the tail and MOVE forward.  I may never know who is going to read this and start making those changes but know that I am walking beside you, cheering you on in spirit---  YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
 
As anything in life the daily decision to MOVE and CHANGE truly is MIND OVER MATTER.  Just for the  NOW - I choose to use my MIND where it MATTERS.
 
NAMASTE and ABUNDANT, ABUNDANT BLESSINGS!
 
Heidi
 
---to live in the NOW, I have already WON---

©2013 Heidi Parunak/TrinityFactor.info.  All  rights reserved.  This material may not be published, rewritten, broadcast, recorded or redistributed without express permission.
 
 
 
 
 

RING IN THE NEW YEAR-LEARN FROM THE OLD

Posted on December 29, 2012 at 9:18 AM Comments comments (162)
OK-so.  To be honest with you, I didn't think I had much to say.  I hadn't planned on a year end blog and thought I would let the New Year ring in by itself.  HOWEVER, we on the Biggest Winner Marathon Team 2013 were gently encouraged to update our blogs.
 
I woke up this morning with two sick dogs, a mouse in the house who at least is no longer in the pantry and one lone roach left from a Christmas gift that had been given a few weeks ago.  Did I mention that the washing machine has chosen not to work this morning?
 
Between running up and down the stairs to the laundry room with armfuls of soiled linen and couch covers, strongly encouraging the mouse that he needs to take up residence somewhere else and pulling the kitchen apart one more time to make sure everything  is clean so I can spray one more time for the roach issue, I find myself smiling that I am alive, healthy and well this new year to be doing all of this in ABUNDANCE!
 
Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary (1981) defines ABUNDANCE as 1: an ample quantity: profusion  2: affluence, wealth  3: relative degree of plentifulness .
 
Today, I am grateful to have an ample quantity of animals mainly 2 pups (have to include just temporarily the mouse and the roach).  I am grateful for these dogs who are a constant source of delight and life and yes, MESS (where there is life there is mess).
 
I am grateful for a warm home in which to reside (the mouse likes it too-not for long).  I am grateful for a pantry that is plentiful with good food-simple fare but healthy none the less.  I am grateful to be starting another year healthier and stronger than I was at the beginning of 2012.
 
I am excited about the upcoming year of 2013 with all  the potential and possibilities it already holds.  I am learning to look at the past as if it were rear view mirror in a vehicle.  I only want to briefly glance back to see if I am safe or if there is potential danger coming my way.  I don' t want to glance back for too long because I will miss what is ahead and not see what is coming towards me.
 
This morning I realize just how wealthy a woman I am.  Life, love and health means more to me than all the silver and gold, houses or land that I could ever own.
 
So, I am off to doctor the pups, call a repairman or better yet maybe a trip to Sears for a new washer and dryer, coax a mouse into a different residency (hopefully for his sake a warm one) AND prevent a potential roach situation. Segway-how can one lone baby roach reek such emotional havoc?  As I finish this blog, I glanced at the TV and saw the promo for the upcoming marathon.  To think of  the possibility of this old girl crossing that finish line---
 
A VERY HAPPY, HEALTHY AND ABUDNATLY PROSPEROUS 2013 TO YOU AND YOURS
 
NAMASTE andABUNDANT, ABUNDANT BLESSINGS
 
Heidi

©2012 Heidi Parunak/TrinityFactor.info.  All  rights reserved.  This material may not be published, rewritten, broadcast, recorded or redistributed without express permission.
 
 

REJOICING: REMEMBERING DAY 1

Posted on December 18, 2012 at 2:05 PM Comments comments (23)
My debut on Missy Kane's Fit and Fun Show aired this morning.  As I watched I was reminded of my first day that I was to meet the team of Biggest Winner 2013.  We had to fast for a base line blood test.  I had a restless night and woke up around 3AM with a splitting headache and equally upset tummy.  I was scared, excited and not really sure what I had gotten myself into.  The only thing I knew to do was draw a tub of the hottest water I could stand and try to relax.  I had to get on the road by 6AM so I had enough time to try to get myself together.
 
As I allowed the hot water to run and the steam to rise around me I was transported three years back to a time when I could not step over the edge of the tub to take a shower.  I was not able get down and sit in the tub or lift myself up out of the tub.  Nor would I have been able to fit into the tub itself let alone have enough room for the water to surround my body. 
 
At this remembrance my heart began to beat rapidly and I thought my head was going to blow off my shoulders.  I put a hot wash cloth on my head and started sobbing with tears of overwhelming gratitude.  My husband awoke and came into the bathroom to see what was wrong.  I took one look at his precious smile mixed with concern and started laughing when I realized what I must have looked like. 
 
I shared with him my thoughts and we agreed this was a GREAT way to start Day 1.  We thought better of taking a photograph but that moment is indelibly marked in my memory.  My headache eventually subsided and I made my way to my first meeting.  A delicious fruit salad and a cup of hot coffee was very much enjoyed after my blood sample was taken.
 
Almost six weeks have passed since that first meeting.  I have lost an additional  12 pounds.  There have been good days and challenging days.  I have met and look forward to getting to know my team mates and those professionals and encouragers that are helping us all.
 
At one point in watching the show this morning, I momentarily forgot that I was the woman exercising with Missy and gained a renewed sense of encouragement and excitement to continue on this incredible journey to wellness and wellbeing.  If she can do it, so can I.  SO CAN WE ALL!
 
Namaste and Abundant, Abundant blessings,
 
Heidi
©2012 Heidi Parunak/TrinityFactor.info.  All  rights reserved.  This material may not be published, rewritten, broadcast, recorded or redistributed without express permission.
 
 
 

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

Posted on December 6, 2012 at 7:24 AM Comments comments (7)
In the spring of 2010 I was taking my daily walk.  I was burden with a few huge life issues and as I had learned to do I was walking them out through the soles of my feet.  On the horizon I saw a person who seemed to be lost.  Somehow I knew that no matter how small I wanted to make myself and how much I did not want to talk to anyone that day that person was going to approach me for directions. 
 
I quickened my step and bent my head down as to give the body language that I was unavailable.  When I looked up to round the bend he was standing right in my path.  How he got to me so quickly, I will never understand.  He was an elderly man (a wizen creature), shaking and breathless.  Before he opened his mouth the knowledge came to me that he was going to meet with a local leader and he had overshoot his destination by a mile.  He very kindly asked me directions.  Our brief conversation confirmed what I knew.  I gave him directions back to his destination and made my way back to my car.
 
I have made it a practice to NEVER pick up strangers.  However, that morning a still small voice said to give him a ride back to his meeting.  Just then a friend who is never up before 9AM due to illness called me.  I told her the story and knowing my policy about picking up strangers she said, "Heidi, what if he is an angel"? 
 
With that unusual comment I decided to pick him up.  I couldn't find him.  How he had managed to walk 1/4 mile so quickly after talking to me I won't understand that either but I pulled into a parking lot and waited for him.  The first thing out of his mouth after he struggled to get into the car was, "Life is a marathon not a sprint.  You are trying to fix too much into your life right now.  Relax.  Enjoy the journey". 
 
He then proceeded to tell me a few pivotal things about myself that no one knew (except maybe this friend who had just called).  He suggested two books to read.  I have never been so affirmed by anyone, especially someone who didn't know of me as I was that morning by this person.
 
When I dropped him off at his destination less than five minutes later he said, "Remember, follow your bliss.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  When your earthly journey is over you will  look back at this seemingly insurmountable, monumental time in your life and realize that is was all small stuff".  With that comment, he stiffly got out of my car and with great pain hobbled into his allotted appointment.
 
I did see him a few times after this initial encounter.  I don't know much about this man.  I do know that he was ill.  He intensely loved his wife and was committed to making sure her needs were met especially after he transitioned.  I do know he gave me courage and hope when I lost both.  He encouraged me to believe in myself.
 
The last time I saw him was a couple of weeks before Christmas 2010.  He left me with a few personal comments.  I learned that he transitioned from his earthly journey in January of 2011. The morning I learned of his passing, I was once again on the same track where I first met him. As I rounded the bend on the opposite end of the track that morning I looked up and saw a rainbow in the sky.   As I gazed at this ancient eternal symbol of promise and hope, I could hear him whisper, "Don't sweat the small stuff.  Enjoy the journey".
 
 
This morning, two years later, I still hear his words ring loud and clear in my heart as I train for Biggest Winner 2013.  DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.  ENJOY THE JOURNEY.  I will, Sojourner, I will.
 
 
 
 
 
 
(Snapped with the cell phone camera after I received the call of Sojourner's transition)

©2012 Heidi Parunak/TrinityFactor.info.  All  rights reserved.  This material may not be published, rewritten, broadcast, recorded or redistributed without express permission.

A Morning With Missy!

Posted on November 27, 2012 at 12:48 PM Comments comments (15)
Who would have thought when I first watched Missy Kane's Fun and Fit show a few years ago that I would be on her show this morning?    I remember watching her program from my couch wishing beyond all wishes that I could get off the couch even to do a small step.  I remember one morning I started crying because I knew I wasn't going to live too much longer and I felt helpless and hopeless.  Two of the most profoundly, black and void emotions known to the human experience.
 
I had started to take a riding cart in Wal-Mart and other stores and was in the process of saving money to buy a walking cane.  My breathing was labored.  I had to sit up in a chair to sleep because I could not roll myself over if I happened to stop breathing during the night.
 
Fast Forward three years---Need I say more? 
Thank you, Missy, for a great morning!!!
©2012 Heidi Parunak/TrinityFactor.info.  All  rights reserved.  This material may not be published, rewritten, broadcast, recorded or redistributed without express permission.

Useless Chatter

Posted on November 20, 2012 at 7:55 AM Comments comments (10)
Have you ever felt like you wanted to give up?  I mean just flat out, without question "throw in the towel (or in my case the do-rag)"? That's what I was feeling yesterday.  Yet the whole time I was rambling on in my brain (stinking thinking) there was the real me sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher--WA WA WA WA WA WA WA
 
I have learned to allow myself five minutes (usually only lasts a few seconds when I realize what I am doing)  of this useless, annoying chatter and then I go on with my bad self. 
 
I have found that complaining uses mental energy that I probably don't have much of at the time to expend.  It also takes up precious time of a day that I don't want to waste.  Sometimes I want to complain because of people's actions.  Sometimes I want to complain out of fear.  Sometimes I want to complain because I feel insecure.  Sometimes I want to complain because I want to sabotage the good that is given to me.
 
Bottom line: I have the choice to allow and nurture negative emotions which leads to negative energy to invade my being or I can allow and embrace positive emotions which leads to positive energy.
 
There is an old saying that I have to remember when those negative thoughts of any kind try to invade my brain.  "You can't keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can sure keep them from building a nest".
 
I don't think I necessarily have control over my thoughts, however I think that the more positive, edifying actions, people and influences I surround myself with the less likely I will have annoying chatter in my head.
 
Thoughts can be like radio waves (remember I am old enough to remember transistor radios).  There a millions of sound waves all around us that have the potential to  invade my  mind but if I keep my station tuned into a positive channel,  I am less likely to receive a bad frequency and the edgy static that comes with it.
 
Namaste and abundant, abundant blessings--
 
Heidi.
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